diary of a dialup dinosaur

Just a couple of things about Rey….

* Rey isn’t averse to physical contact, but it probably weirds her the hell out. Think about it: this is someone who hasn’t been touched except in anger or by accident since she was six years old. Which effectively means “not at all.” She has no idea how to interpret physical contact because she has no framework. She can’t appreciate hand-grabbing as “I’m worried about you, let’s go!” because when would she have ever seen this, let alone experienced it?

What does she probably interpret it as? “You are not capable.” Because Rey’s got exactly one scale of value and that’s whether someone is capable of fending for themself or not, whether they can earn their keep via salvaging or something else useful or whether they are a charity case. And Finn offering assistance, in that context, is an insult because she is damned capable, thank you very much.

But back to the physical contact: Rey might understand a hug as a good thing, as a form of transmitting positive feelings, but she doesn’t know how long or how tightly to hold on in return and that’s going to be foremost on her mind instead of “someone is expressing a positive reaction toward me.” She’s not getting comfort from Leia; she’s aware that that’s what supposed to be happening, but what Rey’s actually doing is calculating whether it’s time to let go yet or whether she’s squeezing too hard and “OMG, someone cares about me!”


* Every single gesture of concern for Rey matters. Every. Single. One. Every single “Hey, how are you?” that expects an answer gets a real, surprised, pleased answer. Every single question by even random folks at the Resistance base asking her if she’s okay, if she knows where she’s going, if she found what she’s looking for, these are all amazing things for her because nobody has ever offered this to her in her memory, not without a motive or without expecting something in return. And while she really is weirded out by physical contact, the incidental, thoughtless touches that Finn or Poe or Leia or Chewy or anyone else offers – a backhand to the arm meaning “hey, great flying” or a clasp of her shoulder in passing or someone guiding her through a crowd with a hand on her back – she’ll remember it and she’ll relive it because it’s new and novel and craved.

People showing care without expecting reciprocity is not something she’s familiar with. And it’s really so amazing and awesome and she is probably someone who picks it up and runs with it before fully understanding the subtleties because that’s how she’s learned how to do everything else. That this isn’t a matter of survival the way the tricks of salvaging were doesn’t matter. She’s gone one speed and it’s full throttle. She’s known among the Resistance folk as someone who is always asking how you are and how you’re doing and listening to your answers and just being so nice. Which everyone else sees as this remarkable thing because Rey, to them, isn’t this freak of an orphan from Jakku, she’s the Force-sensitive fighter who helped Han Solo and Chewy before she was captured by the First Order, from whom she escaped on her own, and faced off against Kylo Ren, whom everyone knows as Ben Solo and the murderer of their children.

And, if all of the flaming red (herring) arrows mean anything, they know who she really might be: the little girl with the important lineage who was spirited away more than a dozen years ago. And has returned, along with the key to maybe defeating Snoke and the First Order for good.