I live?

[domarzione]

 It has been a week, peeps. It's been a couple of weeks, but this week has been a week. A week of anger and frustration with the world at large and the way even in this we have to be absolutist and you must embrace everything one side or the other believes or you are The Enemy. A week of curfews and sirens and helicopters not because of righteous anger at a murder, but because of all of the opportunistic shit that comes with protest. A week my union decided to fuck me over gang-style because now is exactly the time to arbitrarily change standards and what was good enough before is no longer so and we're gonna belittle you in the process. A week I lost my volunteer position of a decade because I wouldn't sign a waiver exempting them from liability for anything (illness/injury/death) even through their own negligence. A week of emotional and physical exhaustion because it's been three months of quarantine lockdown and a week of a curfew that managed to stop no looting but did ensure that I had to cut my exercise walks short and couldn't treat myself to takeout (haven't since this started) because everyone's gotta be home by eight. A week when school started and I had to introductions and there's no way to say "I have many interests and also relevant work experience, but it's all been stripped away from me and so I go walk around the edges of cemeteries and pretend not to notice the open graves" and not sound like you're having a breakdown. A week I didn't have a single drop of alcohol because I want booze to remain a pleasure and not turn into a coping mechanism. I don't think I've been this close to the end of my cope in a while. 


I didn't get much writing done. I didn't get much work done, either, but I tried hard with both. 


I did start watching The Expanse, which has been a good distraction even if I have to avert my eyes during the protomolecule stuff. I'm somewhere in the middle of Season Two, after Eros has crashed into Venus and right after Bobbie Draper gets told to go to Earth. The worldbuilding and details and politics are fascinating to me, but the characters are so comparatively underdeveloped and I don't know if this is also true in the books. I don't know if I should stop watching and go read the books instead or if the show developed book ideas to the better. Anyone? 

(I'm kind of glad the Miller arc is resolved for now. I liked Miller as a character a lot, possibly because I share his cynical 'a pox on all houses' approach to politics but also because he was such a classic noir character in a space opera and Thomas Jane playing just slightly off-kilter is what he's best at. But I'm not a fan of the 'detective falling in love with the missing woman' trope in general and the tendency toward stripping the woman's agency. Julie herself was a fully-formed character, a girl with daddy issues who did much and endured much and in the end just wanted to go home where it was safe. Miller's Julie was a fantasy who rewarded his inexplicable love and that's the one we spent more time with. She was already objectified by her father after her infection, that is enough.) 


It's after five on a Friday, I can cocktail if I wanna...